Lost and Alone (Joseph)

Talon knew deep down that she could not stayed curled up in her wolf form forever somewhere in the woods.  But what could she do about it, she had no clue as to why she could change into this wolf.  She knew she had magical powers and even had a wand, but what good was it at the moment.  She was trapped in this wolf form and had no clue how to get out of it.

She had lived as a human and a wolf but never had been able to change at will, it just sort of happens.  The problem was this time she never turned back and could not figure out how to do it.  Why did her mother have to kill her father, why did she have to kill her mother.

Talon had been travelling throughout these woods for awhile and just found a little cave that she was currently staying in sinking lower and lower into her personal hole.

OOC: combo quick back and forthing between me and talon's player.

Joseph Tyler catches a scent and stops. slowly and silently paw after paw going in that direction. dropping to his belly and begins to paw crawl towards the she wolf slowly so to seem unthreatening.


Talon Cloud looks at the wolf that is crawling towards her as she tilts her head wondering what it was doing

Joseph Tyler wags his tail and speaks to her. "Am I non threatening yet?" A big wolfishgrin. "Names White Hawk...Joseph Tyler if you want the known name. What is yours?"

Talon Cloud is a little scared to hear a voice in her head and shakes it a little. "I am not scared, I am Talon Angel Cloud"

Joseph Tyler looks at her and starts speaking in wolven tongue from his mouth. "Ah...native American descent? Hmm....Talon Angel Cloud...if I recall the lectures Austin's given and ancient history that is of Cherokee yes? I'm Lakota/Souix myself."

Talon Cloud still wondering why he is talking to her, "Yes, I know not much about my family, my mother made sure I didn't know my heritage."

Joseph Tyler ears stand tall and tall goes rigid and lets out a wolfish huff to mask the growl he felt hearing that. Put him too much in mind of the way his brother and he had gone through. Of back in the days of true cowboys and indians. "Would you like to learn?"

Talon Cloud ears perk up at hearing that, "You can teach me?"

Joseph Tyler nods his head. "Your heritage. How to control if you shifted. How to get unstuck if my thoughts are right. I can teach you everything from about your heritage to how to control that and how to master it." A smile on his lips. "What I can't teach my brotehr Dancing Daggers can." sits up slowly.

Talon Cloud gave a wolfish smile, "Must be nice to have a brother"

Joseph Tyler grins wolfishly. "I'd say its 50/50 with him. some days I want to kill him. Others I think he is going to be the death of me." snickers a bit.

Talon Cloud also smiled at the thought of changing." I just change when it feels like changing, but I have been like this for quite awhile now. But isn't that it is suppose to be with family"

Joseph Tyler lays on his back. "Tell me what you can remember up to and after this last shift."

Talon Cloud had to think a little it had been awhile. "Honestly I can't think of it for sure."


Joseph Tyler listens to her. "Years than...when you were last human did anything traumatic happen."

Talon Cloud sighed a bit. Thinking but couldn't remember much. "I ran into someone in town, but I don't remember whom it was, but then maybe I did and just refuse to remember. I have just been really depressed lately wanting to be a part of something I guess."

This was the first conversation that Talon had with anyone in a long time, especially finding someone that was like her, well at least in wolf form.  "I have been travelling as a wolf for so long I am beginning to forget what it is like to be Human."

Talon stretched out on her back legs and shook her fur a little standing up, "I was a witch and when I turned 18 this happened to me.  I have been all over the place since then.  Are you sure you can help me?" 

Joseph listened to her as she gave him the information. The more he listened the more he was certain she'd become trapped by trauma in her wolf form. Which meant she had no control over shifting and wouldn't have anything on if changed back. He was not going to try helping her change back at the moment. Indecent and improper. He was sure Austin and Liza would take turns kicking him. He continued to listen as she spoke. "I see. I can help you learn but from what I'm hearing Talon Cloud...you suffered something very traumatic and became trapped within shift. It will take time but that is reversable. The time frame fits." He stated. Nodding his white wolf head. "Yes. I am very sure I can help you. Where I can't I know my younger brother can. How about we go for a run together?"

Talon could not help but give a wolfish grin when he asked about a run.  That was the one thing that Talon loved about being a wolf was running.  She knew that killing her mother was part of her problem, but yet that happened a long time ago so she must have met someone that had triggered that memory.  She was afraid to admit to Joseph what she had done, it was the one thing she was afraid of as a wolf which was why she hid in the forest.  "I would love a run, as long as you don't get too far ahead of me.  I know these woods like the back of my paw by now."

Talon found herself circling Joseph checking out his wolf form since he was the first wolf she had seen since being out here in the woods, "It is amazing how you manage to stay so white."  Talon said as she then rubbed herself up against him and felt a spark that made her jump, but she didn't say anything, "Soft too.  I spend a lot of time in the stream to stay clean, these woods are dirty."

Joseph looked at her as she spoke. Tail wagged a bit as he stood up on all fours now. Ears flicked a bit as he listened to her heartrate and breathing ratio. He listened to her. "I will keep it slow. Though if you know the woods like the back of your paw by now there should be no worries. It has been a long time for me...if I get lost I can just howl and know you'll be able to find me." he said in a joking way. Tail wagged a bit and watched her. Standing very still though he did move his tail a bit when she checked out certain areas he was not quite sure he was comfortable with due to her wolven nature. Soon wagging it again. "I'm an old wolf." he said with a joking tone. Jumping as well when she rubbed and he felt that spark. Nah...not after all these years. Liza's words rang in his mind though.

Talon hoped Joe was not annoyed by her reactions to himbecause this was all new for her. "I am sorry if I asked a lot of questions, this is all new to me." Talon said as she lowered her head. "With my father not being around to teach me I feel so stupid. I have been a wolf for over 10 years now and know nothing about being a wolf, or human." Talon said as she felt some tears roll down her furry cheek.

Joseph listened to her and chuckled. "Do not worry. I am quite alright. It shows you are willing to learn. Not unwilling to do so." he said. Nudging her with his shoulder. "Ask away and I'll answer." He stated as response. Listening ot her as she spoke. "Do not feel stupid for lacking knowledge when you are willing to obtain it." He said. Nudging her with his head. "You have lost yourself so to move forwards you must first regather it and regain yourself. Shhhh don't cry. It will take time but you shall find yourself and become one with yourself. As well as gain things you never realized you were missing." He licked the tears away and smiled at her. "Baby steps but do not worry Talon Cloud....you will learn and gain new knoweldge."

Talon sat up a little and tried to give a smile the best way she could in her current form.  She knew she was willing to learn anything he wanted to teach her, anything to help her out of this form.  When he nudged her shoulder she felt a little jolt again. "Will this static electricity ever go away?" She asked as she shook her head.  "Every time you touch me I feel like I am being electrocuted."

Talon knew she technically wasn't stupid, but she was 30 years old and she couldn't control a power that she knew she was born with.  "I guess if I wasn't 30 years old learning things that I assumed I should have learned by the time my first transformation happened at 18."

Talon felt a warmth when he licked her tears away that she could not help but give him a lick back, like she would have given him a kiss on the cheek if she was human for helping him.  "Thank you, you are really sweet."  Talon said, "So do you have a sweet girl that has your heart?"

Joseph looked at her. "Not unless you find another who causes it. Even then it might not. There are things called soulmates in this world." He said with a chuckle. Sighing as she spoke and listened to her speaking. Taking note of the things she was saying. "That is an odd age for it to happen...something probably caused growth surpression. Native American shifters generally shift their first time by a year...sometimes a month or two sooner." He said. Pondering a bit. "I am...far from sweet. I am going to teach you and when I can't my younger brother most likely will." He blinked a bit. He wasn't going to answer that it was complicated. "Not exactly...my life is my job so I guess since my job is onthe ocean...yeah. Anyways...what else can you tell me?"

Talon looked at Joe for a moment and if what he said was true then it would only happen around her soul mate which meant that Joe must be that.  Talon never thought about being that with anyone and basically he didn't want it so she was not going to push the subject.  No one deserved to be stuck with her anyway.  She will just get her training done and be on her way, she was not going to push herself on anyone who didn't want her.

"I am not sure, I lived with my father on the reservation until I left for school at 11."  Talon sighed, "If I changed early on I don't remember so it could have happened.  Maybe something with the fact my mother was a witch had something to do with it?"  Talon really didn't know.

Talon could not believe he just brushed off what she said like it was no big deal, "Well that will be good then.  Maybe since you job is so important, maybe you should just get your brother to help me, I don't want to be a burden to you."  Talon sighed and got and moved away from Joe, if not for anything but to stop the feeling she was having.

Joseph hadn't meant the work thing the way it came off. He looked at her. "I felt the spark too but I've got a lot on my mind. I feel you deserve better than a military native american." he said softly. He listened to her as she spoke. "It is possible she prevented it without realizing it." He agreed. Following after her and put a pawover her even though it meant he had to walk on three legs. "I didn't mean it the way it sounded. I am sorry. I don't feel my job is more important than others in my life. Or family or friends. I was trying to answer your question about if I had a sweet girl of my own. I don't because outside my family I've only focused on work. Not to say I don't want that I just feel I'm too old and that there is better choices out there. I'm sorry I upset you Talon." He flinched and moved away this time when she spoke again.



"My job is not more important than family, friends or others I care about." he said softly. "I had a soulmate once before. A long time ago...I failed her and she had another soulmate besides me but she chose me and it turned out to be the death of her in the longterm."

He laid down as he listened to her. "You won't be a burden now or ever. Why do you and he both say that to me??? None of my friends or family are a burden. They are part of why I work so hard...to provide a stable lifestyle. I'm too old for one." He sighed a bit and listened to her. "I gave you my word to teach you and be there for you and I will keep it." He said seriously. Though there was pain in his voice as he spoke. "I'm sorry I upset you....you asked me a question and I answered what you asked...work is why I have not dated since the last time I felt such a spark centuries ago."

Talon sat on her back legs and listened to Joe talk to her about what he was feeling and why he was doing what he was doing, “So you are hiding in your job because you are afraid of having feelings for someone else.”  Talon shook his paw off her back, “Please don’t touch me unless you have to help me change.  You are making the choice not to follow what the spirits want and that is fine.  I am a big girl and can handle it, but I can't handle you touching me knowing what it means and knowing I can't change your feelings about it.”

Talon then moved away from Joe, “Last time I check it was my choice at whom to choose to be with.  It is also my choice to decide if the person is too old for me.”  Talon stood there doing pretty good holding back her tears, “I have never had a soul mate before, I have never even been with anyone, other than the stray wolves that have raped me.”  Talon sighed and then continued, “But I will heed to your wishes with what you want and you can just train me.”

Talon looked at Joe and titled her head, "So what do you want me to next teacher."  Talon said with no expression in her voice.

Joseph looked at Talon as she spoke. "I am not hiding in my job. I have responsibilities and family duties that means I need a stable source of income." He stated as he looked at her seriously and kindly. "I will respect your desires. No more shall I touch you. I am sorry I offended you." He bowed his head and form as a wolf. Listening to her speak. "I am following it. The spirits wanted me to seek you out and help you. They wanted to show me a soulmate but that doesn't make it written in stone. Everyone has more than one soulmate and I won't be the cause of your death." he said kindly but internally withdrew more and more.

He wanted to beat the shit out of himself. "You don't know anything about my feelings Talon so I would ask you to please not put words in my mouth. I might be a stupid straight boys but I would never give false information about my feelings to a woman. Even to keep her at an arms length as I've heard I tend to do. I am a man with honor and high respect for females. I told you my feelings are currently complicated and they are. I've noticed the spark yet it stirs up bad memories and I have had people I have loved before. The confusion I feel makes it impossible in good conscious to act on primal instincts and desires...when my head is confused." He said respectfully.

Wincing at her words. "I am sorry Talon...I did not mean to cause you pain or upset. I did not say you could not change my feelings nor do you know that you can't. However, I do feel I am too old for you. You have a choice with whom you are with...and if you chose me that is your choice but keep in mind there is always more than one soulmate and there is those who are far more worthy of a wolf skinwalker as beautiful and wonderful as you. Especially more so than I am." He said softly. He looked away. "What wolves raped you?" He didn't like that and a wolfish growl left his lips.

He looked at her again. "I am apparently being told what I want or don't want. You stated that you wished me to just teach you and nothing else and I told you how I felt. I am conflicted and comfused. I need to sort things out. Yes...I feel extremely drawn to you but I can't be the cause of someone as perfect and beautiful of heart and soul's demise. Not again. You have your choices and mine is to teach you and be the best pillar of strength until I can sort out my own internal conflicts and confusion. I am sorry I bring you to tears. I am sorry for hurting you or upsetting you. On all your accounts except being unable to change my feelings about it...you are right."

He said in a kind and gentle tone. Why was he shattering inside and he flinched at her words. Covering his face in his paws in shame. Ouch...the venom and ice behind those words made him feel even further like a monster. "Close your eyes and focus on finding your center." he said in a withdrawn voice. What an evil bastard he was...

Talon could not help but continue to sit there on her back legs listening to everything that he was saying to her.  Apparently he didn’t understand what she meant about the hiding in the job, but it wouldn’t matter what she said he had his own feelings.  Talon knew what Soul mates were; she just didn’t know the signs. “Well from what I know about soul mates everyone gets one in a lifetime, but when you have a unlimited life there is bound to be another one.  But from what I have learned your next soul mate does not appear until the previous one has died.”  Talon said as she tilted her head, “I may have spent the last 10 years of my life trapped as a wolf, but I can still read books, what else do I have?”  Talon sighed at his comment, “I love how you assume that something bad is going to happen to me.” She wanted him to touch her, but could not take the feeling that she got when he touched her.

Talon started to pace a little listening to him about her putting words in mouth, “I am not trying to put word in your mouth, I am trying to understand the feelings you are talking about.”  Talon said as she sat back down.  “I don’t know love or understand it.  I am sorry if my feelings get hurt or I misunderstand you, its just because I don’t understand.  I thought when you are soul mates with someone that is who you were meant to be with, but that’s fine with me I don’t need or want love.  Why would I, it just means pain and suffering and leaves children without their parents.”  Talon was now crying, dammit she thought to herself. “Besides listen to your own words:  if you chose me that is your choice but keep in mind there is always more than one soul mate and there is those who are far more worthy of a wolf skinwalker as beautiful and wonderful as you. Especially more so than I am.”  Talon repeated his words to him, “Sounds like to me I can try all I want, but if you don’t truly want it why should I try?”

Talon just closed her eyes and let out a little and took a deep breath, “Like I said I will abide by your wishes.  I know what my soul is telling me, but I am not going to try for something that is just going to get my heartbroken.  I have had too much heart broke I don’t have the energy for another one.”  Talon sighed, “I don’t know the wolves, its not like I can fight them off they take what they want and then leave.”  Talon stated, “I have no place else to live but the forest.”  Talon said in almost a why do you care voice.

Talon laid on the ground and closed her eyes and began to do her breathing and closing everything out.  Finding her center like Joseph wanted her to.   She was just going to learn to close out her heart too and then maybe she would get through this.

Joseph looked at her. "What you know is wrong. Everyone has more than one soulmate. The likelihood of coming across them tends to be one a lifetime but that is false as well. Numerous times you come across two or three and sometimes you don't even know it unlessy ou interact with them. He looked at her. "I don't assume anything. I am refusing to give history a chance to repeat itself. Besides which I have many enemies due to the line of work I'm in." He facepalmed and was about to insert his foot in his mouth and stop talking.

"You are putting words in my mouth and accusing me of things sweet talon. It is not intentional but you have a dark look on life and instinctively jump to the worst. I understand and I'm not upset with you. I can't explain the feelings any better until I sort them out myself. I do like you. I feel that connection and that is part of what is causing me confusion." he said softly. "Talon..they don't hurt me...your hurting is what hurts me. You understand it but you have much to learn. It will take time but you need to stop looking at yourself so negative."

He ran a hand through his hair. "Soulmates have other potential soulmates. Yes it means it is someone who is good for you but it doesn't make them the one. Most people don't even cross their soulmates and have just as fulfilling and wonderful love lives." He said softly. He tensed a bit. "Nye Talon Cloud...it is not you who is unworthy of me...it is I who is unworthy of you." He said softly. "Children sometimes can be better off without their parents...my brother is living proof of that. You aren't unloved talon...but the one who seems to love you the least is yourself. You won't be able to fully love someone unless you start to love yourself." He spoke in a kind and sagely way. Smiling at her warmly.

"There is a beautiful and compassionate woman with life and vibrancy before me. It is not you who is not worthy of someone it is this old wolf who is unworthy of you. You are so far above me in beauty and worthiness that I could not even dream of achieving athat level."

He sighed. "Talon please stop assuming things. Did I say I don't want you? I did not. I said I am unworthy of you and too old for you. I would be lying if I said I did not want you. I do not deserve you nor will I ever." He said. He sighed a bit. "Stop that please Talon..." he got a sorrow filled look. "My wishes? You've decided what they are on your own. You can not abide by someones wishes unless they outright say it. If you will abide by my wishes then my wishes are for you to find yourself before you try to find love in another. It is unhealthy to latch onto someone else before you yourself become whole." He said softly.

"Then I suppose we don't even need to have this conversation about whether or not I'm a bastard old fool who is uncapable of properly communicating to a beautiful and wonderful young woman or not. I am just an ass anyways it seems." He said in a dry amusement at himself. He looked at her. "Just focus on breathing and centering yourself. If you ever think anything about closing off your heart again I will take you to the ancestrial lands just to let our ancestors talk to you about the hazards of that. You are a wonderful and strong woman with a huge heart and to close that off because of a dumbass like me is foolish."

Talon could not understand why she was still sitting here having this conversation with this man.  It was apparent to her, whether or not he wanted to admit it.  He was afraid of attempting to have a relationship again because he got the last woman killed.  Maybe there was something about Talon that was different from this last woman.  Maybe it was her destiny to die, maybe it was destiny for him to arrive in her life at this point, what the hell does he know?  “Fine I am wrong then, but at least I can admit it.  I told you since I was 18 I have lived my life as a wolf so I know nothing.  I know nothing of love or finding it.  I have never even talked to another person in 10 years so I am just crazy then.  Let’s just go with that.”
 
Talon said, why did he keep saying that she was putting words in his mouth, that was not what she was doing she was saying what her understanding of what was coming out of his mouth was.  “Fine I will just shut my mouth and just do my teaching and then I won’t be able to put words in your mouth,” Talon just sat there and listen to Joe talk some more to her, “Of course you like me, they always like me.  Until they get what they want and they leave.” Talon growled out.
 
Talon could not help but sit there and roll her eyes at the things that Joseph was saying about her.  He didn’t know about her, what she had done.  She was far from being worthy of anything from anyone.  She was mean and cruel and that was what it was.  “I am not worthy of anything, I am just some shewolf who got herself stuck because of her tragic past.  Maybe if I would have never turned and killed my mother we would not even be having this discussion.”
 
Talon looked at Joseph and decided it didn’t matter what she said that he was just going to be stuck in his ways, oh so now he wants me, not just worthy of me.  Well damn it in my book it still means I am not going to try and go after you, I am already giving up.  But Talon was not going to say anything, because he would just accuse her of putting words in his mouth again.  “Fine you know what to be honest I don’t care anymore.  Maybe someday this damn feeling I am having will just go away and you don’t have to worry about me.  Go and find someone else whom you would be worthy for.”
 

Talon tried to concentrate on her breathing, but with all the energy flowing thru her at the moment and the feelings that were coursing thru her being this close to him was just too much.  Maybe there is more than one soul mate for everyone, but why did the pull to this man feel so strong, like a piece of her was dying because he wasn’t willing to risk it.  Talon stop her breathing and stood up and shook her fur, “You know what never mind, I didn’t give you permission to read my thoughts.  I need a break, maybe I will go find this brother of yours.”  Talon said and started to run away.  Run away like she always did when she had feelings she didn’t want to face.

Joseph sighed a bit. "I'm sorry Talon Cloud that is not what I meant. I didn't mean it that way." He said softly. "I'm not that kind of guy despite how much like that kind or worse I am apparently coming across as. I am very sorry." He said. He was getting flustered and internally pissed at himself. "You are worth more than anything. I highly doubt that and it was not your fault anyways. Accidents happen Talon." He said sadly. Flinching at her words. He facepalmed. Such an idiot. Lowering his hand as he looked at her. "There is no one I'd be worthy for Talon Cloud not even my own family am I worthy of." He said with a sigh. Watching her and was completely thrown off guard when she took off out of nowhere.

"I didn't read your mind but your reactions and language and your soul screamed it out at my guide who yelled at me. Talon???" He shot up after a second and took off after her. She was fast and young and he was out of practice following wolves in human form. It wasn't long until he lost her and stared at the heavens. "Ancestors help me...I'm making one screw up after the next...what is wrong with me?! I don't even know what just happened Dammit! All I know is I just made a total ass of myself and communicated horribly..." he punched a tree before he apparated to his ship. He couldn't find her and was livid at himself.

(exit)